I'm Fat and other stories...

In less than two weeks time I am off to Sodom and Gomorrah... also known as Jo'burg and Pretoria. I am going to stay with the Viking and his flatmate. One of the things on the list of things the Viking is planning to arrange is a trip to Hartebeespoort Dam. It is basically going to involve spending a day on a boat, chilling and the Viking is going to water-ski. I have decided I don't need an enema, thank you.

Avoiding an enema is the easy part though. The hard part is that it would probably be appropriate for me to wear a swimming costume and... I don't wanna. For starters, the pickings are a bit slim in the choice department. Option 1: a nice red Speedo which has no lining and goes 100 per cent see through when wet. Option 2: a nice Triumph that was given to me by a 40-year old friend and the cut is a bit ... well, not hip around the hips. Anyway, to help me decide which one to take I tried them on in front of Flyboy to ask his opinion. Option 1 was the first victim and then I became the second victim. Flyboy looked a bit green around the gills and said "It's been a long time since I have seen you in a costume." Then he tried to soften the blow by telling me that we have both put on weight. To keep a potentially long story short we had a rip roaring argument, I was told to move out and I was apologised to and asked not move out and we kissed and made up. I know, we are so mature.

So, if there is anyone out that who can tell me if Herbex herbal slimming stuff works please let me know and give me hope because I am using it in the hope that I might resemble a human in two weeks time and not a beached whale.

Now for the SABC licensing saga - and this one actually has a positive ending. I 'phoned them on Friday and chatted to a charming young man by the name of Dillion. Dillion listened to my sad tale of woe, put me on hold (for eternity but he was actually busy in that time), came back to me and told me that he had escalated it to his supervisor and the cancellations department. Also that during this week I would receive written confirmation from him that it was cancelled. Hooray for Dillon!

Lately sleep has been a bit difficult for Flyboy and myself. It seems that this perlemoen story has spooked us both - and the fact that there was an unknown car driving around on the farm on Friday morning at 04:00 doesn't help. Another factor that might be contributing to the collective insomnia is the fact that we have both become Su'do'ku addicts. You see, we lie in bed and figure one puzzle out together which leads to another, and another, and another. And when we are so tired our brains are so busy Sudoku-ing that sleep is pretty much impossible. So, new rule - no Sudoku after 19:00.

I have a cat for sale. At the moment she thinks she is a bloody keyboard. She is a dark tabby, 14 years old and bulimic.

And now back to the grind stone...