Profile: I R Abalone Diver
The profile of a perlemoen poacher (supplied by a director of a security company, this is fact):
- Usually Afrikaans (no offence intended to anyone Afrikaans who reads this).
- The highest qualification is usually held by the ring leader being a matric with the rest being standard 8 or lower.
The following facts were divulged by I R Abalone Diver (in Afrikaans):
- He went to a reform school.
- He couldn’t get his Standard 8 (Grade 10).
- He has four children.
- He is a non-qualified panel beater and he cannot find work (sez he).
The following facts were noticed:
- I R Abalone Diver needs a lifetime supply of Mycota foot powder for Athletes Foot.
- Most of I R Abalone Diver’s associates are candidates for
a. Guests on the Jerry Springer Show,
b. Cousins/Aunts/Uncles/Brothers/Sisters of a Redneck’s family tree,
c. Inbreeding experiments. - The sound system in the 4 x 4 costs more than the 4 x 4.
- The collective IQ of all the associates together is about that of a used, still warm sock.
- They all love Kurt Darren.
Amusing Anecdotes (In Retrospect)
- One of the creatures turned up the sound system so that our ears were assaulted (and insulted) by Kurt Darren’s “Meisie, Meisie.” Being caught up in the moment Twinkle-toes started marching over to Flyboy, presumably to ask him if he could dance with me (I was the only woman in the place except for the bar lady). He got about half way when I singed him with a look that stopped him in his tracks.
- My dog has no standards because he let himself be patted by one of the creatures (I now have to bath him).
- When the punches started flying, Twinkle-toes dramatically ripped off his shirt (like a gorilla about to bang his chest), revealing a really scrawny thorax and ‘put ‘em up.’
- After the punches started flying and the creatures realised that I was downstairs calling the cops they scurried out to their vehicles. One of them looked and me and said “Hulle het eerste vir kak gesoek.” (They looked for shit first).
In Conclusion:
These creatures are subconsciously aware of the fact that they are a waste of oxygen and constantly feel the need to justify their existences and actions.
posted by Katt at 10:59 am
7 Comments:
I am afrikaans speaking ;) and no, I don't feel offended. I can imagine the guys, must have been scary, and funny at the same time
Flyboy and I came to the conclusion that the problem is that these these creatures should never have been allowed to breed.
Sheesh guess those poor perlemoen never stood a chance!! Wow its been years since I have even heard the word - is it still a delicasy (sp?) in SA?
Yes, still a delicacy but only for those who are prepared to poach it and keep a few. Law abiding SA citizens are no longer to take out perlies, even with a permit. *sigh*
Just curious, but were you a fan of I.M. Weasel, by any chance?
Actually no, I am not a fan of anything on Cartoon Network, I don't even own a TV. However I have been forced to watch it by someone who thought it was 'so cool.' This someone was also a big fan of Cow and Chicken - need I say more?
I R Abalone Diver did bear a striking resemblance to I R Baboon which is where the connection was made in my thought processes.
Don't mock Cow and Chicken !!!!
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