Slumbering Psychology
We have all heard it said that when you sleep, your conscious mind recedes and the sub-conscious mind comes to the fore. That is why we dream. But is it possible that the true thoughts of the sub-conscious mind aren’t only revealed in dreams but also in actions?
Being a woman, this is conveyed from a woman’s perspective. Lying next to a sleeping man seems to reveal so much about what is going on in his sub-conscious mind, the true mind as it were.
Of course the perfect sleeping position for a couple, in my opinion, is the man lying on his back with the woman’s head on his shoulder and limbs intertwined as far as possible and comfortable. This however is not always possible for a number of reasons. Men generally snore when they lie on their backs and all that results in is some healthy rib poking and grumbling. Also a man’s shoulder is not always the perfect pillow height and this can result in a stiff neck of spasm proportions. So the obvious solution is the classic spoon position, an ageless favourite!
Even in the simple spoon position things are revealed, true things. You snuggle up behind a man’s back and put your arm around his stomach. In his sleep he reaches back and puts his hand on your leg and pulls you closer to him. Or you snuggle up to the man’s back and eventually roll over to change sides. And he rolls in his sleep to in turn spoon you.
Flyboy once said of his ex-wife that during their 11 years of marriage he was never able to hold her whilst they slept. If he tried to put his arm around her she would start beating him off violently. What does that say about her true mind? He also said of me that I take to sleepy cuddles like a thirsty animals takes to water, trying to burrow myself into him. What does that say about my true mind?
Other aspects of a person’s true mind are also revealed during sleep, less attractive ones. Like gnashing of teeth. What does that indicate? A bad day? Anger at you? Too much stress and tension? Something that always seems to stop the gnashing is touching the person’s face, or playing with their hair gently, or rubbing their backs. Touch seems to calm. The same applies to nightmares; a gentle touch and the nightmares seem to disappear.
It is possible that the most jaded relationship still has a flicker of hope when the two people reach for each other in their sleep? When a gentle touch chases away the demons? When the true mind is most active?
I’m reminded of something penned by AA Milne in one of the Winnie the Pooh books. Piglet reached out and touched Pooh. Pooh asked “What are you doing, Piglet?” Piglet replied “I just wanted to be sure of you, Pooh.”
Is that what we do in our sleep? Reach out for the other person, just to be sure of them?
Being a woman, this is conveyed from a woman’s perspective. Lying next to a sleeping man seems to reveal so much about what is going on in his sub-conscious mind, the true mind as it were.
Of course the perfect sleeping position for a couple, in my opinion, is the man lying on his back with the woman’s head on his shoulder and limbs intertwined as far as possible and comfortable. This however is not always possible for a number of reasons. Men generally snore when they lie on their backs and all that results in is some healthy rib poking and grumbling. Also a man’s shoulder is not always the perfect pillow height and this can result in a stiff neck of spasm proportions. So the obvious solution is the classic spoon position, an ageless favourite!
Even in the simple spoon position things are revealed, true things. You snuggle up behind a man’s back and put your arm around his stomach. In his sleep he reaches back and puts his hand on your leg and pulls you closer to him. Or you snuggle up to the man’s back and eventually roll over to change sides. And he rolls in his sleep to in turn spoon you.
Flyboy once said of his ex-wife that during their 11 years of marriage he was never able to hold her whilst they slept. If he tried to put his arm around her she would start beating him off violently. What does that say about her true mind? He also said of me that I take to sleepy cuddles like a thirsty animals takes to water, trying to burrow myself into him. What does that say about my true mind?
Other aspects of a person’s true mind are also revealed during sleep, less attractive ones. Like gnashing of teeth. What does that indicate? A bad day? Anger at you? Too much stress and tension? Something that always seems to stop the gnashing is touching the person’s face, or playing with their hair gently, or rubbing their backs. Touch seems to calm. The same applies to nightmares; a gentle touch and the nightmares seem to disappear.
It is possible that the most jaded relationship still has a flicker of hope when the two people reach for each other in their sleep? When a gentle touch chases away the demons? When the true mind is most active?
I’m reminded of something penned by AA Milne in one of the Winnie the Pooh books. Piglet reached out and touched Pooh. Pooh asked “What are you doing, Piglet?” Piglet replied “I just wanted to be sure of you, Pooh.”
Is that what we do in our sleep? Reach out for the other person, just to be sure of them?
posted by Katt at 12:02 am
16 Comments:
It's that deep need we all have to be loved that surfaces when we are asleep. Our defences are down and we react as we'd love to when awake. But we don't, when we're awake, because all the other dynamics come into play.
I, on the other hand, hate being cuddled when I am asleep but I don't believe this is an indication that I have issues with the person I am with. I simply like to spread out - it's more comfortable...I am a bed hog. In fact - I like to sleep alone and will usually find another bed to sleep in once the sex stuff is over.
What would Freud have said about that!
What a profound post!
If this is anyhting to go by, my marriage is in deeper trouble than I thought!
Geena: Personally I think it is your independent spirit coming through!
SwissTwist: Hey, I am not a psychologist! Don't take my twitterings as gospel.
Hmmm....Kat what a beautiful way to look at this dynamic.
I think at some point during the night we will maybe tend to find our own space without sub-conscience or conscience playing a role. It is in the drifting off and the waking where it counts perhaps?
With CPM, I loved that in the morning as he began to wake he would reach out and find me, and pull me close. The fact that it was the first thing on his sleepy mind made me feel like I was the beautiful beginning to his day - no other thing was to have such importance.
But I guess more can be said on this topic of yours - what about people who can't sleep next to strangers? Do they feel too vulnerable?
Nice one K. I will sit on this for a while.
I loved this post. Glad to see you are feeling better. After reading your previous post, I felt like running over to you with a pot of chicken soup, hot water bottle and a bottle of brandy!!!!
Something to add to this post, guys believe that the only way to make a woman really listen is to talk in their sleep!!! How do you feel about that? If I go by your post, my relationship is in a good place. Good to know that we make such good sleeping partners.
Something that is interesting to note is that so far only ladies have commented. Come on guys! Why so quiet? :-)
MuddlePuddle: There is nothing more delicious than starting the day with a good cuddle session. And I would imagine it is normal to move into your own space while you sleep, maybe it depends on what is on your mind at the time.
As for sleeping next to strangers, maybe from the point of view of sleeping next to someone for the first time, maybe it is the space thing, allowing people into your space. It seems to take a while before you feel comfortable enough with someone in your space for the whole night, when you are most vulnerable, as you said.
Buddess: Those cures and remedies would have been most welcome. But only if you shared the hot toddies with me. :-)
Hm... interesting input from the male side. Well, if a man does talk in his sleep it would definitely make me sit up and listen. I remember my first serious boyfriend thanking me for his bowl of rice krispies in his sleep, he said they were very nice too.
TwoFlower: Well, from what your friends say about you on your blog you are drop dead gorgeous! So, maybe it is not too long before you find a cuddler who will calm you in your sleep. I have heard that guys who take photos are pretty sensitive types. ;-)
Great post Katt!
Made me think about the way we sleep. (My girlfriend & I that is!) We do like to cuddle and we often fall asleep with her using my shoulder as a pillow.
Thanks, your post made me smile.
Now youv'e made me paranoid that i'll be psychoanalysed by women whilst i'm sleeping lol.
Delboy: That is so, so special! You obviously have the right pillow height shoulder. Flyboy is built like an ox and unfortunately after half an hour I get a sore neck.
Kevin G Brown: That name is quite a mouthful! It's not supposed to make anyone feel like they are being psycho-analysed. :-) You guys are just sometimes kinda cute when you sleep.
I,m off to *yawn* bed a little
earlier tonight *yawn*
GincoLeaves: Hee hee!
Obviously my "true mind" drools a lot.
Shortypam: I read something about what your sleeping positions with your partner say about your relationship. Apparently facing each other and depriving each other of oxygen means that you are "moving towards each other." Which is a good sign.
Cookie Monster: *blush* Thank you, Cookie Monster.
Kyk: ROTF
gorgeous post Katt. you know how I feel about The Boy ;) But we seldom cuddle during the night.. we prefer our own space when we sleep.
The thing is, i know he is there, without reaching.
"Even in the simple spoon position things are revealed, true things." err ya - but "those" things can't be discussed in a PG13 site...
Shutterjane: But I think you have and The Boy have passed into a relationship realm that most of us can only dream about.
Aquila: Oh, get your mind out the gutter! :-D
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