How to Aggravate Frustration...
in one easy step!
Try and teach yourself to play guitar! I promise, it works! Okay, enough exclamation marks already.
When did I buy my beloved instrument of torture? Hm... December what? Two years ago, yup, 2004. And again, waxing lyrical about her, she is beautiful, I love her. Everyone who plays her says she is magnificent. But, alas and alack, she hates me. No, not just "doesn't like me," we are talking BLIND HATRED here!
It's been two and a half years and I still manage to illicit "cat being gutted" sounds from her! Oh, I have books... rephrase, I have Book! The other one is music notes, which I can't read. Don't look at me like that! I know, there is a lesson to be learnt in that - open the book and check it before you buy it. I know, I know, it goes without saying but I lost all rhyme and reason when I realised this book had a CD in the back cover - oooh, shiny thingie and all that!
So, I have Book - Guitar for Dummies! And it is not bad, very funny! There is a whole chapter about how your music instrument makes you look cool. And an explanation of why it isn't called the F Chord for nothing - think about it. But if I have to practise Kumbaya one more time (with a paper bag over my head in case someone recognises me) I am going to shoot myself in my fretting hand - that's the left one. How can playing Kumbaya make you look cool? Even if you have music instrument? I mean, guitar cool only goes so far, right?
Oh, a guitar teacher you say? Well, that is an interesting story too! Trust me, everything here is complicated. After numerous 'phone calls and suggestions of getting in touch with that "tannie" (auntie) down the road I finally pounced on a bona fide music teacher - the "dominee's" wife (that's a church minister's wife to those of you from foreign parts). Well, let us just say the milk of Christian kindness was not oozing through this woman's pores. In fact, she became downright snotty when she heard that the imbecile on the other side of the 'phone couldn't even read music. And with a half-hearted attitude told me I could come in and sit with her high school students - that just ain't gonna do wonders for my ego. She even had the audacity to inform me that her snotty attitude would cost me the price of a set of drums and possibly a lead singer.
I mean, come on, woman! If I could read music, would I be 'phoning you? Huh? Huh?
Here is the plea for help! If anyone out there knows of some decent music (that doesn't require a paper bag over the melon) with not too complicated chords, please mail me. I am desperately trying to get hold of the strumming beat for Mull of Kintyre - I know, it is bad if I can't even figure that out!
Pretty please, with a cherry on the top and chocolate sprinkles and... oh hell, I will throw in the whole sundae, just save me! And everyone else within a 0,5 kilometre radius!
Try and teach yourself to play guitar! I promise, it works! Okay, enough exclamation marks already.
When did I buy my beloved instrument of torture? Hm... December what? Two years ago, yup, 2004. And again, waxing lyrical about her, she is beautiful, I love her. Everyone who plays her says she is magnificent. But, alas and alack, she hates me. No, not just "doesn't like me," we are talking BLIND HATRED here!
It's been two and a half years and I still manage to illicit "cat being gutted" sounds from her! Oh, I have books... rephrase, I have Book! The other one is music notes, which I can't read. Don't look at me like that! I know, there is a lesson to be learnt in that - open the book and check it before you buy it. I know, I know, it goes without saying but I lost all rhyme and reason when I realised this book had a CD in the back cover - oooh, shiny thingie and all that!
So, I have Book - Guitar for Dummies! And it is not bad, very funny! There is a whole chapter about how your music instrument makes you look cool. And an explanation of why it isn't called the F Chord for nothing - think about it. But if I have to practise Kumbaya one more time (with a paper bag over my head in case someone recognises me) I am going to shoot myself in my fretting hand - that's the left one. How can playing Kumbaya make you look cool? Even if you have music instrument? I mean, guitar cool only goes so far, right?
Oh, a guitar teacher you say? Well, that is an interesting story too! Trust me, everything here is complicated. After numerous 'phone calls and suggestions of getting in touch with that "tannie" (auntie) down the road I finally pounced on a bona fide music teacher - the "dominee's" wife (that's a church minister's wife to those of you from foreign parts). Well, let us just say the milk of Christian kindness was not oozing through this woman's pores. In fact, she became downright snotty when she heard that the imbecile on the other side of the 'phone couldn't even read music. And with a half-hearted attitude told me I could come in and sit with her high school students - that just ain't gonna do wonders for my ego. She even had the audacity to inform me that her snotty attitude would cost me the price of a set of drums and possibly a lead singer.
I mean, come on, woman! If I could read music, would I be 'phoning you? Huh? Huh?
Here is the plea for help! If anyone out there knows of some decent music (that doesn't require a paper bag over the melon) with not too complicated chords, please mail me. I am desperately trying to get hold of the strumming beat for Mull of Kintyre - I know, it is bad if I can't even figure that out!
Pretty please, with a cherry on the top and chocolate sprinkles and... oh hell, I will throw in the whole sundae, just save me! And everyone else within a 0,5 kilometre radius!
posted by Katt at 4:25 pm
4 Comments:
teehee... i LOVE exclamation marks!!! and i'm just as big a sucker for the shiny things!!!
i wish i could help you with your guitar- i don't play ANYTHING so i'm impressed that you're trying!
"Strumming my pain with his
fingers, singing my life......."
Your Mega Mean Babe is "Killing
you softly with his strings!"
Ag Shame!!
You can come and serenade me & my date if you promise to wear that paper bag.
Angel: If it makes you feel better, I can't play anything either, except badly!
GincoLeaves: I tried to play that song but it is too complicated.
Kyk: So, it means you are going to take your date to a sing-along around a campfire! Do you really want to hear Kumbaya played over and over again, badly?
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