Damsel in Distress, as defined by Katt!

Shutterjane sparked something in the one functioning half of my brain when she posted a snippet about chivalry on her website. Apart from the raised eyebrows after I posted my literary offering, I also got a request from a charming blogger who goes by the pseudonym Kyknoord to please define a Damsel in Distress seeing as a knight cannot live in a vacuum. So, without further ado, here is the definition of a Damsel in Distress according to Katt.

Firstly let us examine the picture that comes to mind when the words “Damsel in Distress” are mentioned. For many people it would comprise a sylph-like maiden, a vicious looking dragon and a knight in newly Brasso-ed armour on a white horse. It is exactly here where things go pear-shaped for yours truly. Firstly not all maidens are… well, maidens. Most of them don’t have impossibly small waists, don’t come tarted up in long flowing (impractical) gowns and don’t shriek helplessly when the evil-doer is threatening to disembowel them and eat their entrails. Secondly there is a problem with regards to the dragon being planted as the resident evil. Dragons are like humans, there are some good and some bad and most of them don’t like entrails. So, a dragon being cast in the role of the baddie in the story doesn’t seem entirely appropriate. Maybe replace the dragon with a witch or the tired “evil step-mother.” And then the knight, complete with bling-bling and a white horse… um, a tad cheesy wouldn’t you say? What works better is a war-battered brooding character on an over-sized, temperamental war horse.

By definition a damsel in distress implies a woman (helpless or not) in a situation that brings the genetically enabled waterworks very close to the surface… come to think of it, at a stretch PMS creates numerous damsels in distress. However technically the distress would have to be caused by something tangible, not just rampant hormones. In today’s modern times the distress could be caused by a number of things, being down and out; being a single mother; not having the financial means to support yourself and your family; destructive relationships; demanding parents; not having a job, the list is endless. So, where would the knight come in?

Well, for starters no modern damsel likes to be reminded that she is helpless. Should the modern day knight adopt the attitude of “Well, this is a fine mess you have gotten yourself into and you have no way of getting out of it,” he is likely to incur the wrath of hell. So any wicked step-mother slaying would have to come discretely and disguised as an accident. I suppose a lot could be learnt from the Mafia in this regard.

In a nutshell, a modern day damsel in distress is a difficult customer. A knight can save her but he mustn’t look like he is saving her. And her threatening evil comes in all shapes and sizes. Maybe what would epitomise a damsel is her ability to acknowledge what the knight has done for her with grace and poise. Yes, I think it is the grace and poise that defines a damsel.

My resident dragon agrees with me.

Now it’s time to go and clomp down the stairs in my ancient hiking boots, make some coffee, light a cigarette and put my hair in curlers – I failed the grace and poise test many moons ago.