BACKFIRE!
There is a possibility that there are a few people out there wondering what is up with The Katt. And in view of the fact that the pain has been numbed, I have been indulging in extreme self medication (alcohol and nicotine – novocaine for the soul), I thought I would enlighten the world what it feels like to be back in the land of “milk and honey.”
Well, for starters I got on the plane on Saturday and cried like the proverbial baby. Admittedly I wore sunglasses on the plane the whole way down here – the Jackie O look is NOT dead, ladies. So buy yourselves a pair of awfully large sunglasses, they come highly recommended even if they are just plain ugly.
I landed to this total feeling of numbness, like you are in a dream and what you are experiencing is not happening. My dog, Houndus Maximus, hardly knew who I was and, oh yes, one of my two cats have been sacrificially offered back to the soil because she was taken away from her mother too soon and never learnt that CATS DON’T POTTY IN THE HOUSE – lack of colostrum apparently. And I had to console the sacrificer when we got home because killing the poor creature was really hard for him and the next one is my responsibility.
And here I am, back to pretending that “everything is okay.” Flyboy has been really trying. Apart from killing one of my cats, asking me if I met someone in Pretoria, talking incessantly about really yawn invoking things like the club he belongs to, the possibility of acquiring meat for our larder via his annual shoot on the other side of the border and the mundane, insane functionings that come with his joyous work, he has been really sweet. He has told me that he missed me, he was lonely without me and that he doesn’t want drive all the way to his annual hunt without me. He has decided he doesn’t want to go anymore because he doesn’t ‘want to be without me.’ Hey dude, knock yourself out and go with my blessing!
So, my devious plan backfired. The purpose of the holiday was to test our relationship, see whether he missed me. Newsflash: He missed me. I don’t want this life anymore… The old adage, be careful what you wish for.
No one has any idea how hard it is to admit that laughing in people’s faces, thinking “I will prove you wrong” and packing up my life for love was the biggest mistake I ever made.
You know, Gauteng has its crime and a thousand and one disadvantages. But… and now I am at a loss for words. I miss Pretoria. Not the physical walls and streets, I miss friends, real people who appreciate quality in people. I miss being someone who matters because of who I am and not because of the man by my side. I miss me.
So, maybe my life is to serve as living proof to others of what not to do.
Excuse me while I go and pour myself another glass of wine and light up! *hic*
Well, for starters I got on the plane on Saturday and cried like the proverbial baby. Admittedly I wore sunglasses on the plane the whole way down here – the Jackie O look is NOT dead, ladies. So buy yourselves a pair of awfully large sunglasses, they come highly recommended even if they are just plain ugly.
I landed to this total feeling of numbness, like you are in a dream and what you are experiencing is not happening. My dog, Houndus Maximus, hardly knew who I was and, oh yes, one of my two cats have been sacrificially offered back to the soil because she was taken away from her mother too soon and never learnt that CATS DON’T POTTY IN THE HOUSE – lack of colostrum apparently. And I had to console the sacrificer when we got home because killing the poor creature was really hard for him and the next one is my responsibility.
And here I am, back to pretending that “everything is okay.” Flyboy has been really trying. Apart from killing one of my cats, asking me if I met someone in Pretoria, talking incessantly about really yawn invoking things like the club he belongs to, the possibility of acquiring meat for our larder via his annual shoot on the other side of the border and the mundane, insane functionings that come with his joyous work, he has been really sweet. He has told me that he missed me, he was lonely without me and that he doesn’t want drive all the way to his annual hunt without me. He has decided he doesn’t want to go anymore because he doesn’t ‘want to be without me.’ Hey dude, knock yourself out and go with my blessing!
So, my devious plan backfired. The purpose of the holiday was to test our relationship, see whether he missed me. Newsflash: He missed me. I don’t want this life anymore… The old adage, be careful what you wish for.
No one has any idea how hard it is to admit that laughing in people’s faces, thinking “I will prove you wrong” and packing up my life for love was the biggest mistake I ever made.
You know, Gauteng has its crime and a thousand and one disadvantages. But… and now I am at a loss for words. I miss Pretoria. Not the physical walls and streets, I miss friends, real people who appreciate quality in people. I miss being someone who matters because of who I am and not because of the man by my side. I miss me.
So, maybe my life is to serve as living proof to others of what not to do.
Excuse me while I go and pour myself another glass of wine and light up! *hic*
posted by Katt at 10:24 pm
3 Comments:
*hugs*
It's bizarre how much I can relate to this post. I wish us both well.
Light up one for me!
Hey SwissTwist! It's a big relief that someone can relate to my soap opera life. I am blowing a nice, thick puff of smoke your way. *Big Hug* back to you.
Two vampires walked into a
bar and called for the bar-
tender.
"I,ll have a glass of blood"
said one.
"I,ll have a glass of plasma"
said the other.
"Ok" replied the bartender,
"that,ll be one blood and
one lite.."
Go lite Katt, go lite!!!
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