Frank 'n Beans!
Today at lunch Flyboy, SwissMix and myself were sitting upstairs in the braai room, lizarding in the sun while SwissMix and I indulged in a nicotene fix. As a result of chatting about dogs and how they tend to lick the air when you scratch a specific spot we got onto the subject of the movie Something About Mary. Of course, after relating the part about the plaster of paris dog on the car roof there was the notorious Frank ‘n Beans scene to be enacted. This sparked a couple of offerings of their own, deliciously blogworthy stuff!
SwissMix took the floor first with this entertaining tale about his dad. I must mention at this point that SwissMix is a big boy and apparently he is about half the size of what his dad was. The story goes as follows.
Whilst on a business trip with his boss, SwissMix’s dad needed to use the facilities of the restaurant they had lunch in. The boss went and waited in the car while the dad went to relieve the pressure in his bowels. The boss waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. Eventually he decided that things were not what they should be and went in search of the facilities and the missing dad. Upon walking through the door of the Men’s he was treated to somewhat anguished calling for help from one of the stalls, the dad was in pain.
What transpired was that the dad entered the stall and of course assumed the position on the toilet seat. Which promptly cracked under his weight. And the Beans became stuck in the crack, thus tying him to the seat. He was unable to stand up and remedy the situation because the crack would have pulled closed and caused further discomfort.
SwissMix did say that he was never told how the problem was resolved but it is probably safe to assume it was somewhat embarrassing.
Next was Flyboy’s turn, a story about one of his uncles in the uncle’s younger days.
Apparently the uncle and a group of brothers and friends were spending the afternoon at a dam and I can only assume from the tale that all swimming was done naked. It seems the uncle was floating along blissfully on an inner tube, lying on his stomach with the Frank dangling in the soothing waters. And along came Mr Terrapin and decided that the Frank looked like the perfect wormy morsel to feed on. Mr Terrapin thus clamped his jaws shut on the Frank and caused a great deal of pain and anguish to the uncle. All attempts by friends to try and pull the offending terrapin off the Frank proved futile as Mr Terrapin suddenly developed a case of lock jaw. Flyboy says the other uncles told him they practically pulled the terrapin out of its shell but the little chap wasn’t letting go of its trophy worm.
Again Flyboy was not told how the problem was solved but once again, it was probably embarrassing.
Why do I get the feeling there are a couple of guys out there reading this and crossing their legs in sympathy?
Are there any other interesting Frank ‘n Beans stories out there?
SwissMix took the floor first with this entertaining tale about his dad. I must mention at this point that SwissMix is a big boy and apparently he is about half the size of what his dad was. The story goes as follows.
Whilst on a business trip with his boss, SwissMix’s dad needed to use the facilities of the restaurant they had lunch in. The boss went and waited in the car while the dad went to relieve the pressure in his bowels. The boss waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. Eventually he decided that things were not what they should be and went in search of the facilities and the missing dad. Upon walking through the door of the Men’s he was treated to somewhat anguished calling for help from one of the stalls, the dad was in pain.
What transpired was that the dad entered the stall and of course assumed the position on the toilet seat. Which promptly cracked under his weight. And the Beans became stuck in the crack, thus tying him to the seat. He was unable to stand up and remedy the situation because the crack would have pulled closed and caused further discomfort.
SwissMix did say that he was never told how the problem was resolved but it is probably safe to assume it was somewhat embarrassing.
Next was Flyboy’s turn, a story about one of his uncles in the uncle’s younger days.
Apparently the uncle and a group of brothers and friends were spending the afternoon at a dam and I can only assume from the tale that all swimming was done naked. It seems the uncle was floating along blissfully on an inner tube, lying on his stomach with the Frank dangling in the soothing waters. And along came Mr Terrapin and decided that the Frank looked like the perfect wormy morsel to feed on. Mr Terrapin thus clamped his jaws shut on the Frank and caused a great deal of pain and anguish to the uncle. All attempts by friends to try and pull the offending terrapin off the Frank proved futile as Mr Terrapin suddenly developed a case of lock jaw. Flyboy says the other uncles told him they practically pulled the terrapin out of its shell but the little chap wasn’t letting go of its trophy worm.
Again Flyboy was not told how the problem was solved but once again, it was probably embarrassing.
Why do I get the feeling there are a couple of guys out there reading this and crossing their legs in sympathy?
Are there any other interesting Frank ‘n Beans stories out there?
posted by Katt at 2:58 pm
11 Comments:
It reminds me of the old joke where a guy wakes up in hospital:
"Good news, we were able to save your testicles"
"That IS good news!"
"Yes, they're in a jar on the nightstand"
Bwah ha ha ha..thanks for the laugh...
ooooohhhhh... insert bare toothed grimace here never mind the guys crossing their legs in sympathy, i just can't imagine the pain!!!
I'm not even going to comment on this. Ouch!!
Oh man!!! I'm at a loss for words. I want to laugh out loud, but yet I cringe when I think of the pain they must have gone through. What the heck, the urge to laugh is greater!!!!
eina! Ok damn funny though.
must have been even more comical watching the boys re-enact these scene.
most painful...ow.
glad i don't have a frank or beans.
Hilarious......yet painfull!
Whaaa hahahahaha!
My grandpa, who had a pin in his knee and thus couldn't bend it, once lowered himself into an overly hot bath. His beans, being old, and saggy, hit the overly hot water. Unable to bend a knee, bounce up and run, he instead was stuck, holding himself up by the arms until they got too sore, then dipping down into the scalding water again and again. like a couple of teabags. While he shrieked like a girl. Hilarious. My uncle eventually saved him, tears running down his cheeks as he cackled with laughter. Poor granddad!
Oh for goodness sake - stop typing and post something. That's an order.
Kyk: Hm, pickled goons! Would make quite a conversation piece on the mantle, wouldn't it?
HotPersona: You are a sympathetic hurler too, right?
Geena: As always it is a pleasure!
Angel: Personally I had a nasty fall at an ice rink once. The end result was me doing an across the rink slide on my stomach and I didn't even have soft bits there but there were pain. I don't want to know how these guys felt.
Delboy: Another sympathetic male. :-)
Buddess: My sentiments exactly!
Bigric: It was a mixture of pain and laughter that crossed their faces.
Jam: I don't think you need frank 'n beans to experience pain on those areas, speaking from personal experience on the ice rink.
Shortypam: I've heard this one too... I suppose that is why there are insurance companies out there who only insure women.
Kevin G Brown: Another cringer, understandably so.
Dolce: Hee hee! Frank 'n Fried Beans.
Geena: Yes, ma'am, on the double, ma'am.
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