Spelling Lessons!

The Metallica incident over the last few days has proven something to me.  The people in business in the Eastern Cape generally don't even know how to spell SERVICE let alone offer it.  So, without further ado…

 

Folks, repeat after me. S – E – R – V – I – C – E.  Now your homework is to write that out 100 times and to go through the following class notes.

 

The Dos and Don'ts of How To Offer A Potential Customer Service:

 

1. Don't: tell the potential customer to go to your competition up the street when you cannot help them in an emergency.   It doesn't matter if you highly recommend your competition because he/she worked at your business for X number of years.  What you are in fact doing is a) losing income and b) losing a comeback customer.

 

2. Do: be honest with the potential customer when they ask you if you do the wheel alignment yourself after you have fitted a set of shocks.   It is safer to say "No, we send it to the wally up the road!" because there is a specific reason the customer is asking if you do the wheel alignment yourself.   Namely: after having the wheels aligned at the wally up the road, the car only remains straight on the road when the steering wheel is at a 90º angle.  He should advertise wheel non-alignment.

 

 

3. Don't: be afraid to admit that there might be a problem.   When Flyboy has to redo your job of shock installation and discovers 26 nonessential washers pushed onto the strut because YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING, you look like a Super-Pajero (re: Kyknoord and the Spanish for Wanker).  And you lose a comeback customer.

 

4. Don't: tell a potential customer "Don't even bring the vehicle to me because it will take me months to find the problem"   because a) that just proves you are an incompetent wally, b) you will lose a customer and income and c) you just really make the potential customer's girlfriend angry.

 

 

5. Do: ensure the parts/tyres are actually in your establishment when the customer has 'phoned you a week in advance, said "Please order the tyres for me, I will be there next week Wednesday at 08:00."  You see, because we are living in such a gloriously large province, many people have to drive fairly long distances to get to somewhere that could possibly offer SERVICE (say it slowly and spell it aloud).   This process also involves taking a day off work.  It is annoying to the extreme degree to arrive at your establishment, discover that you erred and in fact did not order the tyres and like the coward you are, cower behind the receptionist while Flyboy attempts to scalp you with a wrench.

 

Because of your lack of initiative and bad or total lack of service, you will no longer see my vehicle at any of your establishments.   Despite the chant reverberating from the rolling hills, "Support Local," we can't because you are all a bunch of incompetent wallies.

 

Now, go and study your notes and we people from up-country expect to see an improvement in SERVICE around here!   You WILL submit, if I have to drag you all kicking and screaming!!!