More Self-Absorption!

Despite wanting desperately to write a happy bit today, I can't. Somewhere, somehow I fell into a big dark hole. I know the way to out is up but, there doesn't seem to be a rope and no footholds either.

Yesterday, after finally managing to finish a bit of work, the excuse to escape for a few hours presented itself. The next batch of pain inducing work would be arriving at Maw's and its okay to "waste petrol" in the name of earning an income. You see, I have to serve some purpose and I fail miserably as a housewife. The Inquisition questioned as to why I wanted to leave so early because the work would only be arriving much later. I couldn't come up with an answer so the verdict was delivered: Katt wants to go gallivanting AGAIN.

What an indescribable pleasure to hit the road! The open road, ZZ Top blaring out the speakers and just absolute, unadulterated freedom! There is something about driving that makes one feel you are the master of your own destiny. The bad part about driving is the journey usually ends and at some stage you have to turn around and go "home."

The idea behind the early escape from the facebrick tower was to visit an internet café and indulge in what was intended to be an hour of guilt-free surfing and chatting. Unfortunately it was very quiet in Cyberland so, I decided on the next best option – a leisurely stroll on the beach. Thinking back, it might not have been a good idea because somewhere on the beach someone threw me a shovel and the hole got deeper.

There is a saying; you can't miss what you never had. Here's how the saying applies.
Had: Two weeks of life
Miss: Being alive
My magic wand seems to be broken because as much as I wave it and chant the magic words, those two weeks just won't go away. And there is a part of me that wants it to go away because the damage is sometimes too much to handle. And there is a part of me that wants to hold on to it and wear it like a big warm jersey.

So, why don't I just leave? Good question. Answer: Because I don't trust myself to make the decision. Without exception, when I have to make a decision I make the wrong one.

I am my own worst enemy!

PS: In a few… days, month, years, I will probably discover this and think "What a twit!"