Between Scylla and Charybdis...

For sometime now I have been toying with the idea of asking Flyboy for a trial separation for something like a three month period. The reasoning behind this was to go up to my good ol' hometown of Pretville and test the waters in terms of being able to adjust to City Life again. However, over the last few weeks it became apparent that there is a very small likelihood that I would be given the keys of freedom.

So, after a long chat with SwissMix, I did something this weekend in a slightly inebriated state - I needed the Dutch courage. Unlike Kyk's stalker though, I didn't SMS another man at 01:00 from Flyboy's cell 'phone. I mailed the woman whom I do typing work for and asked her if she could give me a reason to go up to Pretoria which I could present to Flyboy as "making financial sense."

Of course, life cannot be smooth. If only I could say I had a really awful weekend then receiving the "yes, I can help you with work, come up to Pretoria" e-mail this morning would have seemed like the answer, the chance to escape. But, as luck would have it, I had a wonderful weekend. SwissMix spent the weekend with us and we had a really wonderful time together, the three of us.

Having said that, I know the high is temporary. When Flyboy and I are alone together the old frustrations and irritations (on both our sides) will set in again. So, here I am, planning on going up north again this coming weekend for at least two months. Although it is with a sense of excitement, it is with a sense of trepidation as well.

My greatest fear is the possible consequence of my going, that being my not coming back. Flyboy, with all his faults, is a good person and I don't want to hurt him. One thing I really hate is being dishonest about this but I don't see any other option.

Oh, what a tangled web I weave...