Okay, I Have a Gripe!
Finally, something to blog about!
If anyone out there has the vaguest idea how they employ call centre/telesales people, please could you inform me? Maybe I should add that my very first job was in the call centre of an insurance company and I never received any training but for some bizarre reason I had a knack for it. I got asked out by the more adventurous male clients countless times and even had customers phoning me just to say "Hi, how are you doing?" So hey, I hated it but I must have done something right.
Everyone has had the notorious "May I have a minute of your time to tell you about our new mind blowing product" phone call. Here are a couple of my experiences:
At one stage my bank was doing this Insuring Your Household Appliances policy - cool idea! I mean, if your toaster decides to self-destruct or turn your toast into a radio-active frisbee, you can replace it in the wink of an eye. And it's a really ridiculously low premium every month. The first time these brokers deigned to call me I was staying in Gauteng but so broke I couldn't even pay attention. The second time I received the phone call I was down in the Eastern Cape. Of course, I couldn't break the telemarketer's heart by cutting him short and saying "Yeah, okay, I like the concept, debit me!" because shame, they practise their scripts down to the last comma and exclamation mark. So being the altruist I am I listen to the nervous boytjie's song and dance patiently (I wonder what the bosses threaten with if you don't sell 9 875.5 policies a day). And at the end I say "Wow, that sounds great. Hit me!" Of course we exchange the formalities and then he realises that he has just wasted a fair amount of time on someone who no longer stays in the insured region, Gauteng. Aaaah, your database is out of date is it? The upside was that when I received the third phone call regarding exactly the same product, I could say "Sure, you can have a minute of my time but bear in mind, I no longer stay in Gauteng!" That pulled the chit chat up short.
A couple of days ago my bank decided to grace my eardrum with a phone call regarding an life insurance policy for women. I was interested because a) the last time I looked I was a woman and b) I have no kind of insurance at all so, maybe it's time to stop kicking and screaming ease myself into the Big People's world. In a nutshell, I now have a policy that covers me for all sorts of interesting and nasty things that happens to women but the phone call was AWFUL! This women was reading a script.... I mean seriously reading a script, with no inflection in her voice, no enthusiasm, no stops, no commas. It felt like I had tuned into the Parliament channel on TV.
Today I got to hear a recording of a telephone conversation, a young White woman who had to help an elderly Black man get his vehicle insured. And I was absolutely STUNNED! The man was old-school, polite, sweet but unfortunately could not grasp the more complex jargon. As the conversation proceeded it became clear that he was understanding less and less of what was being bombarded at him. So, what does our arrogant, annoying young lass do? Instead of replacing the jargon with every day terms and being gentle and polite about it, she proceeds to rattle off the script at breakneck speed and ignores the poor man when he interrupts her and says "Madam, you are speaking too fast, I don't understand." Eventually in what I can only assume was desperation, the poor man plonked the phone down in her ear. Good on you, mate!
Oh, and the other pet peeve is when telemarketers use headsets and insist on sticking the fuzzy little boom mike in their gobs. This of course proceeds to distort the sound. For heaven's sakes, this is not Idols!
Some other peeves regarding people paid to sell things and assist people via phone:
1. Really bad accents - I mean sure, not everyone has English has a home language but how the hell is a person supposed to listen to someone who has got such a strong accent that you think you have been sucked into a vortex and plonked on Planet Yaffle (that's a sniglet by the way).
2. There seems to be a misconception that if you can speak a second or third language REALLY FAST it means you have an excellent grasp of the language. Not so, folks! We can't hear what the hell it is you are saying because a) your accent distorts what our brains would normally pick up and b) you are speaking too fast! Very Important Note: Fast does not equal Fluent!
I don't profess to be a master of languages. I cannot speak Zulu or Xhosa or Sotho and if I could I would have no intention of insulting the languages by doing a half hearted job. My only attempt would be to speak it as accurately and correctly as possible. A language is supposed to be a beautiful thing, something to be proud of, something to be improved upon.
I think I have reached a stage where I will sign up for anything if the telemarketer can actually speak, communicate!
If anyone out there has the vaguest idea how they employ call centre/telesales people, please could you inform me? Maybe I should add that my very first job was in the call centre of an insurance company and I never received any training but for some bizarre reason I had a knack for it. I got asked out by the more adventurous male clients countless times and even had customers phoning me just to say "Hi, how are you doing?" So hey, I hated it but I must have done something right.
Everyone has had the notorious "May I have a minute of your time to tell you about our new mind blowing product" phone call. Here are a couple of my experiences:
At one stage my bank was doing this Insuring Your Household Appliances policy - cool idea! I mean, if your toaster decides to self-destruct or turn your toast into a radio-active frisbee, you can replace it in the wink of an eye. And it's a really ridiculously low premium every month. The first time these brokers deigned to call me I was staying in Gauteng but so broke I couldn't even pay attention. The second time I received the phone call I was down in the Eastern Cape. Of course, I couldn't break the telemarketer's heart by cutting him short and saying "Yeah, okay, I like the concept, debit me!" because shame, they practise their scripts down to the last comma and exclamation mark. So being the altruist I am I listen to the nervous boytjie's song and dance patiently (I wonder what the bosses threaten with if you don't sell 9 875.5 policies a day). And at the end I say "Wow, that sounds great. Hit me!" Of course we exchange the formalities and then he realises that he has just wasted a fair amount of time on someone who no longer stays in the insured region, Gauteng. Aaaah, your database is out of date is it? The upside was that when I received the third phone call regarding exactly the same product, I could say "Sure, you can have a minute of my time but bear in mind, I no longer stay in Gauteng!" That pulled the chit chat up short.
A couple of days ago my bank decided to grace my eardrum with a phone call regarding an life insurance policy for women. I was interested because a) the last time I looked I was a woman and b) I have no kind of insurance at all so, maybe it's time to stop kicking and screaming ease myself into the Big People's world. In a nutshell, I now have a policy that covers me for all sorts of interesting and nasty things that happens to women but the phone call was AWFUL! This women was reading a script.... I mean seriously reading a script, with no inflection in her voice, no enthusiasm, no stops, no commas. It felt like I had tuned into the Parliament channel on TV.
Today I got to hear a recording of a telephone conversation, a young White woman who had to help an elderly Black man get his vehicle insured. And I was absolutely STUNNED! The man was old-school, polite, sweet but unfortunately could not grasp the more complex jargon. As the conversation proceeded it became clear that he was understanding less and less of what was being bombarded at him. So, what does our arrogant, annoying young lass do? Instead of replacing the jargon with every day terms and being gentle and polite about it, she proceeds to rattle off the script at breakneck speed and ignores the poor man when he interrupts her and says "Madam, you are speaking too fast, I don't understand." Eventually in what I can only assume was desperation, the poor man plonked the phone down in her ear. Good on you, mate!
Oh, and the other pet peeve is when telemarketers use headsets and insist on sticking the fuzzy little boom mike in their gobs. This of course proceeds to distort the sound. For heaven's sakes, this is not Idols!
Some other peeves regarding people paid to sell things and assist people via phone:
1. Really bad accents - I mean sure, not everyone has English has a home language but how the hell is a person supposed to listen to someone who has got such a strong accent that you think you have been sucked into a vortex and plonked on Planet Yaffle (that's a sniglet by the way).
2. There seems to be a misconception that if you can speak a second or third language REALLY FAST it means you have an excellent grasp of the language. Not so, folks! We can't hear what the hell it is you are saying because a) your accent distorts what our brains would normally pick up and b) you are speaking too fast! Very Important Note: Fast does not equal Fluent!
I don't profess to be a master of languages. I cannot speak Zulu or Xhosa or Sotho and if I could I would have no intention of insulting the languages by doing a half hearted job. My only attempt would be to speak it as accurately and correctly as possible. A language is supposed to be a beautiful thing, something to be proud of, something to be improved upon.
I think I have reached a stage where I will sign up for anything if the telemarketer can actually speak, communicate!
posted by Katt at 12:27 pm
2 Comments:
Aha! I get bombarded by French telemarketers all the time and have the perfect way to bamboozle them...I speak English superfast..they get so confused...if you don;t soeak another language just compose a paragraph of gibberish and learn it off pat and say it reallly really fast ..that'll smokkle their brains.
Geena: Um, this is a brilliant idea! I am going to try the same stunt next time someone phones me and tries to shove something down my eustachian tube. Let the games begin!
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